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| The Second Chance
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Part 1
�Commander, now you should rest, a soldier will do the infirmary guard.� Colonel D'Agout said.
Oscar turned her tired look towards him and simply answered: �No, I'm staying here, I'll wait for him to wake up.�
�But Commander...�
An astonished expression on the Colonel's face urged her to say more. She sat on the edge of the bed, near the wounded soldier, putting her head in her hands. Then, she raised the head and again, looking at the Colonel said: �We have grown up together. Andr� arrived in my home when I was five years old. He was orphaned and alone in the world, he didn't have anybody but his grandmother, my nanny.
But I was all alone as well, I had to become the heir of the Jarjayes family. For this reason my father subjected me to a strict discipline, and often I was punished harshly. At night Andr� secretly used to enter my room, bringing me the food that he had stolen for me from the kitchen, caressing the bruises on my face and I... I did not feel pain anymore. Then, one day my father caught him. He whipped him for a long time, a time that seemed endless to me. But he didn't let out a single moan of pain. He was only eight years old: he got up, looked my father, the general, in the eyes and with a calm and sincere stare said: �I will be always on Oscar's side, and I'll protect her as long as I live.� My father put away the whip, and from then on my punishments became lighter.�
Oscar lowered her eyes, contemplating in her mind the image of the child of her heart. Then again said: �I'll wait for him to wake up.�
An unreal silence descended upon the room: the soldiers and the Colonel were speechless at the Commander words. The Colonel roused himself and said: �I ask permission to leave.�
Oscar nodded, and the Colonel left the room. Alain looked at the Commander, and then at his comrades whose astounded faces would have been even amusing, if the situation hadn't been so dramatic.
�Come on! Let's leave as well. Commander, we ask permission to leave.�
�You can go� Oscar said.
And then, she remained alone, facing herself.
She looked at Andr�, lying on the infirmary's bed. He was breathing slowly, normally, and that reassured her. She stretched her hand to hold Andr�'s hand. How many times she held his hands. His child's, teenager's and now, man's hands. Beautiful hands, with long and tapering fingers, big hands, that revealed the hard work that he had undertaken, but that never had lost completely their softness.
How that could be, she was thinking. Another of the mysteries of Andr�, who had an heart of which she couldn't see the borders, who seemed to know always everything, who could sense and understand, only one on the world, the emotions of her soul. And now... Oscar felt that something was changing. No, it wasn't a change, that wasn't the right word. It was an enlightenment. After Saint Antoine she understood. God, makes this night to pass quickly, I want to see his smile again.
Meanwhile, the soldiers, leaded by Alain, came back to the barracks-room, in silence. Alain broke that strange atmosphere: �Come on, guys, let's take out the spirits, I want to drink.�
Soon on the table appeared bottles and glasses, and everybody had a first round. Then Lassalle plucked up courage to say: �I've never seen anything like that.�
�It's true� echoed another soldier �She really did mislead all of us.�
�Yes, right... she seemed cold as ice, but on the contrary in her veins flows a fire.�
Alain was listening without saying a word, the face impassive as a sphinx. The soldiers kept on making comments, getting more and more heated, while spirits kept flowing.
�That woman would scare the death in person, she really brought him back from the afterlife.�
�She looked like a Fury.�
A soldier put his feet on the table, and sighed: �What a passionate woman! I'd like to scr...ouch!�
The comrade sitting next to him gave him a punch on the shoulder, making him almost to fall: �She'll slice you even before you may think to touch her!�
Everybody was laughing, and also Alain guffawed at that idea. But then he became serious, when a question remained suspended in the air: �But in your opinion, are they lovers?� The soldier who did ask this question was looking at him: �Eh, Alain?�
Everybody knew that Andr� was his friend. But actually, Andr� never spoke to him about Oscar. All he knew was that he loved her, and he did understand this after the armoury incident, and not certainly because Andr� told him. He was the soul of discretion, really. And this was also the evidence of the earnestness of his feelings towards her.
Alain thought that the best thing was telling the truth.
�I don't think so� said, and then, with a scoundrel smile added: �But it wouldn't be that bad if they'll become! Come on, guys, another round of spirits: let's toast to Andr�'s health!
In the meantime Oscar relived in her mind the last events. Alone in the infirmary, the night's silence was interrupted only by the rounds steps. The candle was casting trembling shadows on the wall near her, and light on that face with gentle and virile features. Shyly she shifted a dark lock from his face, with a caress.
Andr�, I've risked loosing you again. After Saint Antoine she had already understood, yes, but she was still struggling in the maze in which her soul was lost. Who was Andr� for her. The friend with whom she had shared all her life, or the life itself? Could she imagine living without seeing him close to her, without hearing his voice never again? It seemed to her that an abyss of darkness would open, and that all the light would fall into. And what about all the decisions she had taken for her new life? Her will of living as man, or rather, as a soldier... as if soldiers weren't men and men couldn't suffer for love, as well. Oscar, what were you thinking? But now could she come back? Could she forgive herself for being weak, for having suffered for love? Again another maze's dead-end. She should go back and find again what really did matter. The centre. Her heart was calling her softly... gently... what was saying?
Would she stop to listen? Would she drive back the fear? The indomitable woman warrior prisoner of her fears. She smiled bitterly.
Andr�, my life, wake up.
Not always one's allowed to have a second chance, Oscar.
Andr� was walking on a shore with fine white sand. A river flowed in front of him, but he couldn't see a landing place on the other river bank: a light there prevented him from discerning the outlines. He was thirsty and the crystalline water was inviting him. Suddenly he had the feeling that everything would have been peace if he would have accepted this invitation, if he would have picked that water in the cupped hand and lifted it to his lips: he could have soothed forever the pain that was by now his inseparable companion. So, why he restrained himself? Oscar... it was such a sweet pain that he could not renounce. Love, bittersweet beast[1] that lacerated him, but that he couldn't give up.
No, it was another, another one, the light at which he aimed with every fibre of his being.
He woke up in the infirmary's bed.
Dawn was breaking by that time. In few minutes there would have been be the assembly. Oscar perceived a tremble of the hand that she was holding, and immediately she was caught by the green glance that rested on her.
�Oscar...� �Andr�...�, calling each other, softly, with trembling voice because of the emotion, they celebrate the happiness to see each other again.
Oscar didn't let go Andr�'s hand, and he was enchanted by the sweetness that he felt emanate from her, like an aura. Maybe...
�Oscar, what did happen?� was about to say... a stabbing pain at the left shoulder changed his smile in a grimace of pain and he recalled: he was shot during the patrolling, while were crossing a bridge on the Seine.
The hate of Paris citizens for the soldiers got to this point: poor as them or even more, the uniform that reminded the power and the injustice of a monarchy that didn't want to reform, the French guards became an easy target. So he was shot, by snipers gone in the night. Under the hail of bullets the horse became restive and had flung him over the bridge parapet, in the chilly water of the great river. He recalled the contact with the water, and that he wasn't able to go up in spite of his desperate efforts, and then, the nothing.
�Oscar, it was you who did rescue me, isn't it?�
She nodded, while in her mind she was seeing herself crying out his name and throwing herself over that parapet, to the point where Andr� disappeared, engulfed by that livid water, from which he did not resurface. He was still convalescent from the injuries received at Saint Antoine, and his strength gave out. She couldn't find him, in that evening without stars the river was a flowing black liquid. Where was he! Immersed herself and resurfaced at least three times to breathe, she didn't find him. Meanwhile also Alain dived to help her. Then she could discern Andr�'s silhouette, grab him and swim upwards. But she could not manage to carry him... and that beefy heart-of-gold Alain helped her, till all of them reached the river bank. The Colonel and the other soldiers rushed there, surrounding them.
She roused herself and saw him silent.
A shadow appeared in Andr�'s glance. Oscar had risked her life for him, again. What a fine protector, he was just in her way.
�I'm sorry, Oscar, I'm a burden to you.�
�Well, you're a fine burden, indeed, I couldn't carry you, thankfully Alain was there to help me!�
And she laughed her happiness, looking at him with a caressing glance, without ever letting go his hand. He was alive, they were alive, and she had a second chance.
Andr� was seeing her, for the first time for ages, joking and making fun of him, and he didn't know if he was happy or desperate.
�What a nice romantic scene!�
A well known impudent voice interrupted the magic.
On the infirmary's door left open Alain and comrades contemplate the scene.
Andr� stiffened, assessing the situation. The nice scene consisted of a beautiful Commander wearing only a white shirt in batiste with the collar opened and the bow untied, that let free the neck and the collarbone, and simple black trousers. Sitting on the bed, she was laughing heartily, and with slightly rosy cheeks she was holding his hand. On the other side of the nice scene an Andr� Grandier visibly embarrassed was barely emerging from the sheets, shoulders and arms naked. He thanked heaven in his heart for the bandaging that at least covered him a bit.
Oscar turned her head towards the newcomers, keeping a sweet smile on her face. Andr� Then with a natural manner she stood up and said: �Your comrades came to see how are you, Andr�. I'm going to rest a bit, Alain will do the infirmary guard, if you need something, ask him.� Then to the soldiers: �In a while there will be the assembly, hurry up.� And she made for the door walking with her martial step, a bit more springy than the usual, although she had spent the whole night staying up. All eyes followed her: in that outfit, usual for her at Jarjayes palace, she revealed that femininity that the rigid uniform's jacket concealed. Though she was wearing men's clothes, in that moment she couldn't be mistaken for a man.
Andr� now felt everybody's eyes on him, inquiring, and he was ill at ease. What was going on? The first to break the ice was Alain, and Andr� listened, anxious, to what he was saying.
�Well, Andr�... so you were children together! How many secrets you have!
Andr� felt a surge of astonishment, but pulled himself together quickly. He had to watch out.
�How do you know?�
Alain shrugged his shoulders: �The Commander told us yesterday evening. She was very worried about you and she did want to keep a vigil by your bedside. It seems that she cares a lot about you.�
Oscar did say that... Andr� became defensive.
�Yes, and she calls you by your first name, holds your hand� said Armand �you two look very... intimate.�
Andr� thought quickly, they shouldn't believe that she was an easy woman, or she could have been in troubles. Oscar was unaware of her attractiveness to men. The most superficial ones were excited by the idea of a female in men's clothes, but then everybody was fascinated by the enchanting charm that emanate from this woman, different from both aristocrat ladies covered with powder and cosmetics and woman of the people, hardened by life and withered too soon.
She on the contrary was a natural and wild beauty, with her diaphanous skin and golden hair, ethereal like the Dryad nymphs. Andr� had listened to many lewd remarks about her, but he had to be quiet, then, to not to make the things worse.
Many of his comrades willingly would have taken off her uniform.
Lots of ladies in Versailles relaxed, so to speak, with stablemen and servants, but here was different, it wasn't only about her reputation, but about her safety. Now that at last seemed that she had been accepted as a Commander in spite of her being a woman... he himself couldn't put her in danger.
Andr�'s look became hard and answered: � There isn't that kind of relationship between us, we are just childhood friends.�
Alain's laugh released the tension:�Hey mate, don't get mad, we don't make assumptions, but after what we have seen and heard yesterday evening, you should understand us...�
Now Andr� was looking at him, bewildered. But what did he mean by that?
�I don't understand.� He was about to lose his patience. �What are you talking about?�
Alain leaned his elbow on the headboard, putting the other hand on his hip, with a gascon gesture: [2]
�Didn't she tell you what happened yesterday evening?�
�Yes... I fell in the water and she dived into the river to rescue me. And you helped her to save me. I suppose that I have to thank you. Thanks, Alain�
�Is that all?�
�That's all... why, is there something else?�
Alain rolled his eyes and said in a low voice: �Andr�, you were dead.�
Notes:
[1] Sappho: "Again love, the limb-loosener, rattles me bittersweet, irresistible, a crawling beast."
[2] People from Gascony (France) were known to be braggart, so that is a synonym. The character of the Gascon D'Artagnan in �The three musketeers� is the model.
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