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| The Second Chance |
Part 4
Oscar was looking up, towards the trees now almost naked. The wind detached the dead leaves from the branches, taking them away. The life of a soldier is similar, she thought. We are like the leaves on the trees in autumn. [6] She never realized so sharply the precariousness of life. However as a soldier she should have realized it already long time ago. She has had a second chance. She shouldn't waste it. She couldn't keep being obstinate, and deny her feelings.The death was always lying in ambush. What if Andr� would have died in the river, that evening? No, she couldn't turn her back on the blessing that she had received.
She had to tell him everything. But how? She didn't gain the courage. It was already very difficult finding a good moment, to see each other in private, and then, with which words, what to say? The tongue got tied, stuck to the palate of a dried mouth. She couldn't manage. She couldn't manage to shake off that feeling of sin that blocked and annihilated her. Now she knew the desire, and discovering this desire crushed her: she didn't know anymore who was she and what was doing, or waiting for. Or perhaps on the contrary she did know, but she didn't want to admit it to herself. She was a woman that loved and desired a man, that man, Andr�.
Maybe... a good dose of alcohol in the veins would have loosened her up just enough to free the prisoners of her heart and mind: love and desire.
The tavern was the one where usually her soldiers went after the guard, when they were off duty. She knew that Andr� too was in the habit to go there, to get drunk with Alain and the others. Not a recommendable place, like all taverns, definitely not a place for women, or at least, respectable women. She was seeing some �waitresses� swarming between the tables, coping with pinches and slaps on the bottom.
She focused again on her mug of wine. She wasn't in uniform, but was wearing definitely modest civilian clothes: there was no need to risk another fight in a tavern, further this time she was alone. Her soldiers didn't show up yet. Maybe she should have got up, paid and left. No, she had decided to get drunk, and at least this, dammit, she would have done it!
But this was the first time that she was doing it alone, in a place like this one. Sometimes she did it at home, safe, and certainly it was a different thing: someone then did help her to get her bedroom. Now she remembered: that someone was, invariably, Andr�. How she could have managed to go back to the barracks, if he wouldn't have shown up, she didn't know. Enough! At least once in a lifetime you must live dangerously! Further liquid down the throat. Another mug.
By now she was almost completely drunken, when the atmosphere of the place was assailed by a merry racket: a bunch of soldiers had just entered the door, and judging from the welcome they were regular customers. Under the influence of alcohol Oscar did manage to see them, they were her soldiers, and among them there was him too: she felt relieved, after all. She was sitting in an isolated corner, and nobody saw her, yet. All the better, she told herself, and drained the mug. She started another one, looking towards Andr�, and calling him in her mind. Turn around, Andr�, I'm here.
And Andr�, called by that silent request, turned around. A shiver ran down his back, and he turned around, answering an irresistible call. She was there, in that corner, sitting in front of several emptied mugs. He was speechless and paralysed, her eyes were sparkling in the faint light of the candles.
Alain sensed something and asked him: �So, what are you doing, did you see the devil?�
Andr� without moving a muscle answered: �Oscar is here� and then, regaining control of his body he moved towards her.
Alain assessed the scene with the usual disenchantment and thought that he didn't want to miss that show.
�Oscar, but what are you doing here?� Andr� had a worried tone in his voice.
Oscar realized that he sat in front of her, and her more and more alcohol-clouded vision allowed only a blurred sight of his face. I'm really dead drunk she thought, gulping down another draught.
He suddenly blocked her hand. �Enough, what's the matter with you?� The touch of his hand startled her: a current of energy flowed from where he touched her, shaking her whole body. Then she felt empty, dropping on the table. �Oscar!� But she already couldn't hear.
�She's really drunken� Alain remarked with a complacent smirk. �And now what do you intend to do with her?�
Andr� looked askance at him: �What do you think should I do, I'll take her back to the barracks.� And saying this he seized her arm and put it across his shoulder, while he rounded her waist to lift her up. �Come on, raise yourself!� In that moment he heard her murmuring:�Andr�... I... love you... I want you...� Silence. Andr� felt his blood escaping from his veins. Still rounding her waist, with the other hand he lifted up her face, but she was completely numbed by alcohol, and didn't react.
�I don't know who is worse, you or her. This woman needs to drink half a barrel of wine to being able to tell you that she loves you and wants to make love with you!� Alain said.
Andr� resumed breathing. He threw the money on the table to pay the bill, and said to Alain: �Help me to take her out without they notice it.�
�But you're really hopeless� Alain said. �You could take her upstairs, in a bedroom. I'm sure that tomorrow she won't have anything to complain about.�
Andr� unexpectedly smiled: �I'd like that she would be at least awake to do it!� And then added: �You believe that I'm a weak, so smitten with love for her that I loose my man's dignity. A good guy a bit stupid, is this what do you think about me, isn't' it? No, I'm not, at all. I'll brazen it out, and even if this confession of hers makes me happy and gives me hope again, I'll ignore it. She'll have to come and tell me when she's sober, that she loves me.�
This time Alain was left open-mouthed.
They got out of the place, and looked for a carriage. Many other times Andr� accompanied her to the barracks, and it wouldn't have been difficult to get in. The problem was that he couldn't leave her in her room without she could lock herself in, and so drunken she certainly couldn't do that.
�You'll have to stay with her till dawn anyway, you know that, don't you? What are you going to do, you'll sleep on the same bed with the sword between you two, like Tristan and Isolde? [7] Alain said.
Andr� looked at him, astonished by his learned quotation. �Well, what are you looking at, I'm not that ignorant barbarian as you think I am!� Andr� started chuckling, amused. �No, Alain, there is a little sofa in the office, I'll settle down there.�
Now Alain too was chuckling: �And you'll stand guard over her, will you? A saint, you're really a saint.�
�Indeed, but the aureole begins to weight heavily on me.� And he cast a tender glance at the blonde slumped in his arms.
Andr� shut the office's door behind him. For sure in Oscar's jacket it had to be the key. He picked her in his arms to carry her to her bedroom. He noticed it immediately. She was light, too light. He put her down on the bed. He removed her boots, then unbuttoned her jacket and took it off. Certainly, his eyesight was getting worse an worse, but the other senses compensate pretty well: he took her hand, sliding his fingers on the wrist. He wasn't wrong, she had lost a lot of weight. The barracks life wasn't certainly a vacation, to her. Moreover she persisted in eating the same meal as the troop, to set an example and be closer to her soldiers: she was ruining her health. As soon as he had the chance, he would have recommended Grandma to take care of her, so that at least at home she would eat enough, or rather, boost her diet: a bit more of chocolate wouldn't certainly have harmed her.
He caressed the blond hair, then covered her with the blanket. It was a bit cold in that room, no, decidedly it was damp. This too wouldn't have been good for her health. He sighed, knowing that it was no use telling her, because she, as usual, would have kept going her way. He searched the jacket pockets and picked the key, and locked the door. Then he lied on the little sofa, realizing that it was very uncomfortable, and put a hand under his head, hoping to sleep at least a bit before the assembly. He had to wake up on time to get out without being noticed. He put on the mantle and drift off to sleep.
She felt like if a pair of blacksmith tongs were squeezing her temples, with strong painful throbs: she had a big headache. She gazed at the ceiling, trying to recollect what had happened, and understand where she was now. Yes, this was her bedroom in the barracks. But how did she came there? Slowly she recalled to her mind the last images that her brain had perceived, the tavern, the face of Andr�, sitting in front of her. Ah, well, now she knew how she had arrived there.
With difficulty she sat on the bed. She reassembled shreds of recollections. What an headache. It wasn't dawn, yet. She tried to get up with caution, by holding on to the headboard. The room was turning round. She took a few steps and leaned against the door jamb. Then she entered her office: on the sofa she could discern a silhouette, the one of Andr�'s body. She took a few steps towards him, but her legs buckled making her fall. The noise and the moan of Oscar woke up Andr�, who immediately got up to help her.
�Oscar how are you?� he said, while helping her to sit on the sofa.
�I've a big headache, Andr�
�I should think so, you drank so much! But are you gone mad?�
�MMMmmmhhh, no, I was in the mood to drink.�
Andr� was perplexed: � Fine, Oscar, but why alone? The next time tell me, so I'll keep you company.�
Oscar remained silent for some time, while Andr� was waiting for an answer that wasn't coming. Finally from Oscar's mouth came out the question that was burning on her lips. �Listen Andr�... by chance... did I say something strange?�
Andr� wore one of the best poker face that had seen made by Alain, making it fairly well, he himself, who never had played cards in his whole life, and seraphically answered: �No, Oscar, why? What could you have said?�
�Ah, nothing, nothing, naturally: I was saying that just to say.�
Andr� decided to press her: �Strange, it would be the first time that you say something just to say...� and while he was saying this he drew his face to hers. Oscar startled, the green iris of Andr� was looking inside her, inquiring. She remained silent, sitting close to him, turning her eyes away. Andr� was waiting, patient, that Oscar would undo the intricate knot of her feelings.
Finally, her voice came out: �Well, Andr�, I was asking myself... it's been a long time since we had the chance to talk. I wanted to know how are you.�
Andr� understood that she would have approached it in a roundabout way, if ever she would have managed to get, soon or late, to what she really wanted to tell him. �I'm fine, Oscar, I'm fully recovered. And it's true, it's been a long time since we had the chance to talk, yes, since the evening that you dressed my wound. Then, you didn't come to see me anymore. I felt a bit lonely.�
Oscar lowered her head and in a whisper: �I'm sorry...�
�Why didn't you come to see me anymore?�
Oscar cast at him a misty trembling glance, that Andr� had never seen. It was splendidly feminine the hesitation that she showed and Andr� was enchanted. �Why? Because... I couldn't manage it, Andr�. I was afraid.�
�What were you afraid of?�
Again Oscar was looking at the floor. Again silence. Andr� knew that admit being afraid had cost her so much, already. He raised a hand, and gently lifted her chin, turning her beautiful face towards him. �Why don't you try to tell me everything from the beginning? A step at a time.�
Oscar nodded. �Everything began that evening at faubourg Saint Antoine.�
Oscar had finished her account, and waited for a reaction from Andr�. But he was standing still, looking away. She whispered: �Andr�...� And he cast at her an ardent glance, yet standing still. Then Oscar gently took his face in her hands, and drew it to hers, brushing his lips with a kiss.
She pulled away from him, always keeping his face in her hands, caressing him with her fingers: �Andr�... say something... please...�
Andr� trembling put his hands on hers, taking and lowering them on his chest, on his heart, so she could feel his heartbeat racing madly because of the emotion. Their eyes met, while their faces were still close, and their breaths interrupted the silence. Then Andr� raised his hands seizing her shoulders, and pulled her in a hug, surrounding her with his heat, as he placed his lips on hers, kissing her passionately.
�I love you.� They whispered the one on the other's mouth.
Give me a kiss, two kisses, ten, a hundred, a thousand kisses. Give me all the kisses that you never gave me, all the kisses that I've desired; pour this honey on the wounds of my heart, take away the pain with your caresses, let me breathe your sighs... Oscar... I waited for you to place your lips on mine, I wanted to be sure that you really wanted it, I wanted to be sure that I wasn't dreaming... Because this isn't a dream, isn't it? We are really here, on this sofa, our lips joined with feverish love, and we embrace each other with a passion that we can no longer restrain... caress my hair again, kiss me again, Oscar, because I will kiss you forever, forever... Oscar you're real, it's really you... Oscar...
Andr� pulled away for a moment from that vortex of kisses: �Oscar?� he whispered... �But you're really sober now?�
She looked at him with annoyance: � Andr� but what are you saying? Of course I'm sober! Do you think that it's something to say now, in this moment? It is not romantic at all!�
His heart felt the blow, but he had to be sure. � Prove that you sobered up.�
She smiled mischievously: �I didn't drink so much, you know... my dear saint, as Alain says... now I'm so sober that every kiss hits the mark...� And she began smothering his mouth with kisses.
I surrender, you're sober. And your lips are soft and sweet.
She couldn't believe that she had done such an audacious thing, she herself, the severe Commander. She had intoxicated Andr� with kisses, and then, standing up, she took his hand, leading him to her bedroom. The mirror reflected the image of their embrace, before dropping onto the bed. Soon sighs and moans filled the air.
Suddenly the bugle call echoed in the room.
�No! Not now!�
Maybe that evening they would have had a second chance.
~ THE END ~
Notes:
[6] Giuseppe Ungaretti:
�Soldati�
Si sta come
d'autunno
sugli alberi
le foglie
�Soldiers�
We stay like
in autumn
on the trees
the leaves
[7] Tristan is the nephew of king Mark of Cornwall, who sends him to Ireland to find the princess Isolde that the king wants to marry. Accidentally Tristan and Isolde drink a love potion, and later they become lovers. They escape but are found in a forest, lying on a bed. As king Mark sees that they are sleeping together dressed and with a sword between them, that he takes as a symbol of chastity, he spares their lives.
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