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| L'Indépendence |
Chapter 5: Savannah
"How is he?"
"Who?"
"George Washington! You mentioned that you met him... Who is the man America set all its hopes in?"
Jacques could hardly suppress his curiosity and so he just asked this, in his opinion, 'New Frenchman' a million questions. He was an extraordinary good-looking man even though war had left a few marks on him. His hair was matted, he had wounds on his face and his uniform was disheveled and dirty, just like all the other soldiers.
André sat with them and eyed Jacques with amusement. His companion had wanted to get more information about Washington for quite some time now.
With a smile André's hands reached back to the heat of the fire he had lit for the night. Jacques' eyes, on the other hand, never left the newcomer for a moment and he seemed to be extremely interested in how the leaders of war planned their strategies.
One of those plans was the reason why André had met the familiar face of the one who was now with them.
It had been at the end of 1778 when the feared British general Robert Howe and his special expedition force had laid siege to the Savannah River and invaded the eponymous city. After this American city was under British command again, the American Leaders of War were forced to take fast action.
Help had approached from the East coast in the following year. The French Fleet commanded by D'Estaings had returned from the Caribbean and confirmed their support of the East coast. Troops who were supposed to start an attack on the city were put off fourteen miles south of Savannah. Andre and his troop had followed the call and attacked the city from the opposite side.
1,500 Americans who were lead by General Benjamin Lincoln and approximately 5,000 Frenchman who were deducted from the D'Estaings fleet had entered the city and tried to force 3,200 British soldiers into flight. The attack was unexpected to the British but their enemies were forced to act as quickly as they could as well. D'Estaing had expressed his worries about his fleet, which was laid at anchor, and so he had demanded a very fast conquest.
In the middle of the city marketplace, where a pile of mostly French and American corpses had been, André realized that the battle was lost. But exactly in this moment he had laid his eyes on a man who broke through the lines of the enemies and cut down every one of them. Driven by a seemingly protective hand, this soldier ran his sword through the bodies of the enemies.
André couldn't do anything but watch the movements of this man and organize his emerging assumptions about this fighting man in front of him in his mind.
After the fourth man in front of him was killed and a brief silence came, the soldier realized that he had been watched constantly and so he turned to Andre. They stared at each other, surrounded by corpses and still smoking muskets, and they couldn't believe they would chance to meet in this huge country so far from their home.
The sound of the American's horn, which demanded the withdrawal of the troops, could be heard from the city wall and so there hadn't been time for a kind greeting. André was absorbed in thought as he watched his opponent intensively; he had been grabbed by his arm and pulled out of the city.
Their escape wasn't without a few struggles against the British but they had fought them until they finally had reached their Regiment.
In the middle of the other soldiers who had survived the attack, Fersen and André faced each other. Fersen's gaze told him that he would have never expected André's appearance and still tried to convince himself that he wasn't dreaming.
But André himself wasn't nearly as happy as Fersen about this reunion. He couldn't avoid letting jealousy slip into his gaze, revealing a distance between them. But then Fersen had hugged him suddenly, completely out of the blue as if they were longtime friends.
André felt that Fersen was simply happy to see a familiar face. He was overwhelmed by Fersen's sudden emotion that he had to think about how long he had known Fersen already. Remembering all the positive traits of Fersen, he finally had returned the embrace.
Immediately André forgot that this man had been the cause of an increasing distance between he and Oscar, and his personal reason to leave France. Deep down inside he was happy to see Fersen alive and healthy. He couldn't deny that this man had been a friend for many years now and he knew that Fersen wasn't responsible for the feelings Oscar felt for him.
Human feelings cannot be controlled.
In the meantime, night had come and André had introduced Jacques to Fersen. After that, Fersen had told them he had been fighting on different fronts since he arrived in America. His noble origin and his title gave him chance to meet high-ranking people, among them George Washington.
When the forces from France arrived Fersen had been ordered to serve on the fleet of D'Estaings. He had sailed to the Caribbean with D'Estaings and finally returned to join the attack on Savannah.
Now they sat together and tried their best to forget the events from the last days, just like they did after every battle. Fersen seemed to be very amused by Jacques' inquisitiveness.
"Well my friend, what shall I tell you? Washington is a great captain and knows how to organize his troops. Few people told me his warfare is wrong. Many people trust him and would put their lives in his hands." Then his voice got lower and he continued, "There's a rumor that he is against judgments of Congress, not for his own welfare, but for the welfare of his troops; he wants to provide them with new clothes and food in battle. If anyone ever finds out that the congress doesn't pay the costs, the moral of the American soldiers would be lost. They would feel betrayed by Congress as they feel betrayed by the British now. I don't even want to think about what would happen if this would ever come to light! So I ask you for secrecy, gentlemen. Especially because we are not from this country; we shouldn't interfere in its political development..."
After André heard this news he only nodded in agreement without even realizing it. Jacques and Fersen were surprised by his reaction and gave him a quizzical stare, because André hadn't spoken much this evening.
After a short hesitation Jacques finally said "Well, Washington seems to be a modest man who puts the welfare of others before his own. One can only hope that Congress continues to listen to his advices..."
Jacques seemed to have great interest that this country -one that had been subjugated for years- evolved well and gained freedom at last, even though he had often declared he joined this war with the intention of never returning to France. André had recognized the change in his companion, but hadn't said a word, since he was deep in thought about that topic himself.
For some time now André had felt that he fought battle after battle with this great goal ahead. His fighting spirit had returned quietly. Every single day he saw those foreign people who were haggard and powerless but who still carried on by only the light in their eyes. The expression of change was manifested in them, for they all knew what they were fighting for.
They fought for a better world, for themselves and for their children. Even if many battles were lost they still believed and the hope never left their eyes.
André had to confront himself increasingly; did he really wanted to sacrifice his life due to pain and suffering or rather for a future which brought happiness for many people?
He asked himself if fate just played with him or if this was a lecture. Should he really follow a different road after all the events he got through in America? Should he live his life differently in the future?
He was still alive...but why?
The sudden encounter with Fersen made him even more thoughtful about this question. There had to be a reason for this meeting.
Was it fate?
Was this a road set by God and Andre could never change it?
Jacques had gone away and left Fersen and André alone by the fireplace. André already suspected that Fersen would ask him several questions. He hadn't had an opportunity to speak to André alone before.
With a knowing glance André turned to Fersen, who already had expected that. A discussion seemed unavoidable.
"I have to admit that I couldn't believe that you were really standing in front of me" confessed Fersen with an uncertain tone "But then I was happy to see you and I asked myself what moved you to join this war..." Fersen held out his hands to the warmth of the crackling fire like André did. He had guessed that André wouldn't answer him and it seemed only natural that Fersen expressed his thoughts further. "I saw the look in your eyes then and I could recognize myself in them..." he stopped for a moment and glanced intent at André, while he completed his sentence "and then I knew why you were here..."
Further words were needless, because André didn't need a language to understand what Fersen meant.
It was so crystal clear, so pervasively for both.
Fersen had fled Antoinette, just as André had fled Oscar.
Both men had tried to escape their fate and finally met in this country. Now they were confronted with the naked truth of how weak they were in reality. Instead of staying by the loves of their lives they had left them and probably only brought greater sadness to them. They both yearned for the two women and lied to themselves by convincing themselves that they had no other choice other than joining war, just to prevent suffering from Antoinette and Oscar. But what they had wanted to prevent took place. What they had wanted to avoid had only occurred because they had left.
Cowardly as they were they thought they could escape fate, but it was much more complicated. "Oscar made a mistake when she let you go..." Fersen whispered, numb.
"Don't even mention her!" replied André, upset and harsh. He was angry about Fersen's remark immediately. He had to admit to himself that he was still vulnerable whenever Fersen mentioned Oscar. Fersen saw the sudden change of André's mood and kept silent instantly.
He was aware that André had changed since his secret became obvious, and how well he could understand his situation. To love a woman who was always unattainable was as impossible as it was to overcome the class differences that were between those two.
André had pulled himself together fast after he had thought about what Fersen had said. "I'm sorry. I know you didn't mean it like that..." and after a short thought he added. "I only was a burden to her, anyway..."
"Well, I don't believe that!" Fersen contradicted, on what he got a quizzical glance from Andre.
"When one saw you together it was as if it could never be different. Like water and fire, like heaven and earth, like..." He tried to find the right description, "you were like light and shadow for each other and I always had the feeling it was meant for eternity, that you could never be separated. I did believe that your friendship would last forever and that something like it could only exist once in this world..."
André was obviously surprised by this confession. It was true, Fersen had known he and Oscar for many years now and probably better than anyone else, but he never thought it possible to cause such an impression on Fersen. Had his longtime friendship with Oscar given the same impression to others as well? Had it really made such a deep impression on Fersen?
If this was true and Oscar had felt the same deep feelings of friendship for him like he felt for her, and it had been even obvious to Fersen, then André had ruined something unbelievably precious when he left for war. He had destroyed her trust in him.
He abruptly became aware of that fact. As he left her he had probably hurt her much deeper than he could ever have if he had stayed. No matter from which side one considered that, deep down he still imagined he would have hurt her even if he had stayed by her side.
"I always envied you for your friendship." Fersen closed.
On that André replied "And I always envied you, for your love isn't unrequited."
Fersen fell silent again, because he didn't know what to reply to that. The love of Fersen was unhappy, but it was returned. Even now Antoinette loved him, even though he was far away from her.
André wasn't granted such happiness, and that was why he had decided to turn his back on France and by that same token, on Oscar too.
Fersen still couldn't accept this decision, since he believed it was a mistake, but he kept silent and didn't mention it to André again.
Silently they stayed by the fireplace for the rest of the night, caught in their own feelings and thoughts on those two unique women.
Even the greatest valor couldn't outlive a broken heart like those two men had to bear.
The next day Count Fersen joined the Troup of General Rochambeau as Adjutant. He wouldn't meet Andre again for a very long time. Jacques and André would move further, accompanied by their internal changes and contradictions.
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