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| Silent Yearning |
Chapter 13: Desire
Warning: This is a "Lime" Chapter
There it was, a thin door out of moth-eaten wood that separated her from Andr�.
Wan light came through the cracks of the antiquated wood and lightened the dark hallway. No sound except for her fast heart beat could be heard. It was rigidly beating in her chest, droning in her ears. Oscar flinched as her knock on the door resounded loudly in the silence. Holding her breath, she waited. It rustled quietly, then steps moving towards the door became loud. Creakily the door opened. With the sparse light of a candle in his back, Andr� stood in front of her. The horror that due to her sudden appearance was reflected in his face, was concealed in semidarkness.
Mechanically she put a foot in the doorframe in order to prevent the slamming of the door, but Andr� just stared at her wordlessly. At the firmament thunder and lighting cracked almost simultaneously and lightened up the small room for a tenth of a second. The silence enfolded the two people at the threshold and stopped time for a short moment, while it inexorably continued running for everybody else.
There she was, and he noticed how he was losing ground under his feet.
This time, his feelings betrayed him. He had not been prepared. Andr� only had to reach out his hand to touch her. The blond hair was wetly glued to her face.
The blue eyes sparkled affectionately, yet belligerently. She would not leave without a fight.
�Andr�?� He backed away when she came closer. Walking backwards, he maintained the space between them, while Oscar followed him checklessly.
�I told you not to try to find me again.� Exhausted, Andr� exclaimed that reproach.
�And you should know me well enough to know that I would follow you,� Oscar answered. She had stopped walking. �Especially because I can�t understand why you are fleeing from me. Andr�, I thought I had lost you forever. I thought the pain would rip my heart out of my chest and my life seemed senseless. When they shot me I felt a feeling of relief and salvation, salvation from a life without you. And now you want me to give you up after I have found you again?�
The softness of her words formed capillary cracks in his self-built protective barrier. He pressed his lips together to a thin line. �I don�t want to see you ever again. Listen, I don�t want to see you! We live in different worlds. It has always been that way and it will stay that way forever. Leave and don�t look back, Oscar!�
�You still haven�t told me any reason that would make me stay away from you,� Oscar replied and stepped closer. Carefully her fingers touched his hair and gently pushed back the strands of hair from his forehead. Her fingertip ran featherily over the scar of his blind eye. He flinched, as if her hands had burnt him. He clenched his fists. The body was tense and cramped.
�Find someone else that you can give your heart to!� His answer came out hard and hoarsely.
�What about your heart?�
�It does not exist anymore.�
Oscar lightly put her hand on his chest, right over the heart. The heart under her palm was throbbing and his face reflected the contradictory feelings that were fighting in him.
�I don�t believe that, Andr�.�
Again he jumped back and fled from her touch. Andr� turned around abruptly and looked out of the window, breathing heavily. The rain drummed monotonously against the window pane. Behind the glass pane the thunderstorm was raging. Lightning and thunder were taking turns. Mutedly and embitteredly, Oscar stared at his dismissive back. She loosened the strap of her coat, which, soaked from the rain, fell heavily from her shoulder.
When no words had been spoken for several minutes, Andr� dared to turn around again. The sight of her tears caught him unprepared. His heart tightened from the pain. But he remained firm.
�I�m serious, Oscar, GO and don�t try to meet me again,� he repeated with pretended calmness.
�No, not now. Not now that we found each other. Now that everything between us has changed.� Oscar became angry. She as well had clenched her fists, as if she wanted to bundle her pain in them.
�What has changed, Oscar? All those years I lived silently next to your life. And we will keep on existing next to each other, like we always did.� His words were harsh and his face expressed a longer distance than one that could ever lie between them spatially. Where was the softness, the love, the sensitivity that she had always perceived from him before? With an angry growl she took the last step that separated them and pressed her lips on his. At first, Andr� was simply too surprised to react. Then he noticed how his self-control faded away. The warmth, the sweetness of her mouth intoxicated him. He was dizzy from the fight that was raging around both of them. With an effort, he clung to what he thought was right in order to protect Oscar. He pushed her away, but was still clutching her arms. �Just leave.� he begged while he shook her. The protective barrier had cracks - finger-wide, gaping cracks- that made the protective shield around his heart crumble. He drowned in yearning, pain and desire. Under tears, Oscar silently shook her head. She felt the same yearning and clung firmly to him. She rested her gaze upon his face. Outside an inferno was raging as if the world wanted to come to an end that night. Second after second lightning lit up the vulnerable face of the woman in Andr�s arms.
The protective shield broke in two and left his heart unprotected and naked. He pulled her into his arms and lowered his lips.
Like a person dying of thirst, he searched for her mouth and drowned in the kiss, until they were out of breath. A cold wind gust came through the leaky windows and ripped through the room. The light of the candle flickered and then ceased. Oscar shivered heavily in her wet clothes and nestled up closer against the warm male chest and drowned in his kiss. He pulled her even closer. He wanted to feel more of the woman in his arms. Breathing heavily, he looked at her. He put forth his hand and carefully fondled her cheek, following a trace of a tear. Her eyes closed at his touch and her head slightly tilted towards his hand. His fingers kept floating, following the neckline of her blouse.
�You will die if we are together,� he whispered hardly audible. The words almost got lost in the distant thunder.
Oscar shook her head. �I won�t let that happen.�
�You�re so stubborn! I�m trying everything to protect you.� Andr� stroked her face gently and let his finger slowly disappear in her hair, let them move through the wet curls.
Shivers went through his entire body, his arousal was almost unbearable by then.
�Andr�, my heart dies if you turn away from me,� she said almost pleadingly.
He felt how she was trembling and his lips searched her neck. He absorbed the fragrance of her hair, her skin.
Now she was here. In that moment Robespierre�s threat was meaningless anyway. It was too late. He slowly opened her blouse. His hands floated over her body. The brightness of her blue eyes became darker, like a hurricane blustering over the sea. Cool and moist the smooth skin felt under the clammy clothing. Oscar moved her cold hands under Andr�s shirt and ran up along the warm skin at the chest. Her fingers palpated muscles and sinews.
Thus they moved in a wordless dance and freed each other from their clothes.
Again they embraced, kissed and slowly sank onto the bed. He bent over her, withdrew from her embrace for a moment and looked at her body. Absorbed every detail. Lost himself completely in her. The scar on the left shoulder, a mole at the hip, a raindrop that dripped from her hair and found its way over the white skin. Behind the windowpane the next lightning jerked.
He kissed her again and his hands, all by themselves, wandered to places she wished his touch. She did the same, softly stroked over his shoulders and let her hands rest on his chest so that he felt her heat. Andr� expelled a deep, sensual moan.
His lips stroked over her shoulders and went on to her breast. With his warm mouth he caressed the tender skin and felt how it reacted to him. She heaved a sigh, one little sound that excited him even more. His lips sought every spot that had been stroked by his glance. So they made love. Full of desperation, as if there was no tomorrow. Covered under the blanket of the gloomy darkness in the room and the raging inferno at the sky, past and future lost meaning. The Here and Now was what counted. No word was spoken, just given in to a wild desire, yet it could not soothe them.
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